


you oughta know

by jessicamiriamdrew



Category: The Avengers (2012), Thor (2011)
Genre: F/M, Gen, playing fast and loose with canon, this is sort of crack fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-06-08
Updated: 2012-09-27
Packaged: 2017-11-07 07:32:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/428496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jessicamiriamdrew/pseuds/jessicamiriamdrew
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Darcy doesn't handle getting dumped well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Darcy knew that breakups always, always sucked. But--given that her boyfriend had dumped her for his ex-girlfriend and Darcy had to interact with ex-boyfriend **and** lived in the same building with him--she's pretty sure that meant she wins some fucked up contest when it comes to shitty breakups.

Betty Ross was prettier than Darcy. She's older, which Darcy didn't think was necessarily an advantage, but--Bruce was older too so it probably made him feel less perverted or something. And you know, Bruce has history with her.

Yep, Darcy was the epitome of disgruntled ex-girlfriend.

“Ugh,” Darcy grunted as she flopped onto her bed. “You have to be a grown up. Grownnn. Up. Grown ups don’t cry in front of their ex-boyfriend and his ex-new-girlfriend.”

That too, Betty Ross was now a fixture at the Avengers Mansion. Fury found her useful in some capacity. Darcy wasn’t sure what capacity that was since boyfriend stealing didn’t seem like it would help the Avengers AT ALL.

“I got this,” Darcy whispered as she picked herself off her bed and headed out of her apartment to start her day.

The kitchen was surprisingly empty and Darcy was glad. She poured herself a large cup of black coffee, adding just a touch of creamer, and sat down. She sipped on the coffee slowly, feeling too nauseous to eat anything.

Anddd then Bruce walked in the kitchen, humming to himself, big smile on his face. “Oh--” He froze. “Darcy--I didn’t think you would be up yet.” Darcy didn’t feel bad for him at all.

“Yep, well, here I am.” Darcy refused to retreat from the potentially awkward battleground that the kitchen had become. She was here first, dammit.

Bruce’s face flushed and Darcy felt a pang. She had liked making Bruce blush--but definitely under extremely different circumstances. Bruce had effectively stepped out of her line of vision but the sounds coming from behind her meant she knew exactly what was going on. Bruce was filling up his tea kettle with water, probably spilling some on his shirt--a quietly uttered “fuck” confirmed this--and then she heard the kettle hiss as he turned it on.

Darcy sighed and tapped her fingers on the kitchen counter. Okay, maybe she couldn’t do this after all. She pushed back from the counter and, grabbing her mostly still full cup of coffee, left the kitchen to go back to the sanctuary of her room.

\--  
So maybe Darcy hadn’t really known how long she and Bruce would last. But she’d thought things were moving in a good direction, something that would yield at least a semi-permanent situation.

Darcy tried not to hate Betty for this, that would be puerile. No, her vitriol and anguish went to Bruce. What kind of man spends a few days fucking you into the mattress, then gets a phone call from his ex and is off like a light? Someone she probably shouldn’t still be hung up on.

But...the sex had been pretty phenomenal and it was okay to miss that, right? She was sure that no one could fault her for that. Bruce’s amazing self control--cultivated from years of avoiding the Hulk--meant some great sex had happened. Orgasm denial was a favorite kink of his that Darcy quickly became a fan of. For a man who turned into the other guy who had no control--well, he liked to show Darcy how much control he had the rest of the time.

Which was another piece of the puzzle Darcy didn’t get. Why would he go running back to his ex-girlfriend? She had thought she and Bruce were happy--still in the early stages where the sex was great and spending time together was always fun. It was sorta mysterious and Darcy didn’t like mysteries, especially when they ended her time with a ruffled scientist.

\--  
As part of her weird job in the Avengers Mansion--or maybe because she was the only person there who wasn’t a genius or assassin or superhero--she ended up spending a lot of time explaining pop culture and all that to people who were far too busy to attempt keeping up on their own. Steve, of course, was a particular exception--not only did he have to kick ass as Captain America, but he also had decades of pop culture to catch up on.

Reflecting her current mood, Darcy had decided to spend this evening catching Steve up on angry girl music, circa 1995.

“Okay, Steve. This song is called “You Oughta Know” and it’s by the Canadian singer-songwriter Alanis Morissette. She is very, very angry.”

Darcy hit play on her iPod and let the sounds flood the living room. Steve, bless him, in a few short months had adapted very quickly to the differences of expression in more recent decades. She figured Alanis might be pushing the envelope a little.

Right in the crux of the song, Darcy jumped up and made her hands into a fake microphone, belting it out for her amusement and Steve’s. He watched her, laughing, as Darcy yelled “it was a slap in the faaaace how quickly I was replaccceedd---and are you thinking of me when you **fuck** her?” If Darcy had thought about it more, she might have suggested she and Steve listen to this more privately, because when Darcy finished her belting, she looked up and saw Bruce standing behind the couch, mouth gaping.

“Damnit damnit damnit,” Darcy muttered under her breath. “Hey, Steve, you wanna turn that down?”

Steve looked at her, confused, but when he stood up to turn down the volume, he saw Bruce and a look of tentative recognition dawned on his face. “Hey Bruce! Darcy is teaching me about Alanis Morrisette’s music.”

“Yes, I--I’m familiar with the song. It’s the expression of feelings of a stubborn little girl who refuses to grow up.”

Darcy’s mouth opened and closed several times. “Oh, christ. Okay, Steve. New plan for today. Are you familiar with Carly Simon’s smash hit “You’re So Vain”? I think that’s a good one too.” Two can play at that game, Darcy thought, and she wasn’t even playing a game. Darcy was definitely thinking about “You Oughta Know” because of Bruce, but she hadn’t expected him to walk in while she was singing it for Steve.

Bruce rolled his eyes--were grown men even _allowed_ to do that?--and kept walking out of the living room.

Darcy flopped back down onto the couch. Steve was watching her with concern in his eyes. “Are you okay, Darcy?”

“No,” she whined. “This isn’t going well at all.”


	2. Mr. Duplicity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Darcy is trying really hard not to be jealous of Bruce and Betty but she's only human. Things get a little more complicated when Betty shows up in her office.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow hi updating this fic after several months. To those of you out there still reading, this is for you!

After the song fiasco, Darcy briefly considered asking Coulson for some kind of reassignment. Maybe she could staple papers somewhere in Europe. She didn't really care where as long as it had less of the Bruce Banner and Betty Ross show that was currently airing twenty four hours a day.

Bruce had been annoyingly hesitant to show any open affection with Darcy when they dated? fucked? whatever classification it was. He thought it was “inappropriate at the workplace.” Darcy had tried to point out that the Avengers mansion was also where they lived, so where the hell else were they supposed to be affectionate?

So yeah, seeing Bruce and Betty show affection publicly really bothered Darcy. Bruce had always been worried about falling apart around her which Darcy knew to be bullshit—if anyone had mastered the fine art of control, it was the man who turned into the Hulk.

Maybe jealousy was the best course of action, Darcy pondered. No matter how happy Bruce looked—no one wanted to see someone they’d slept with hanging all over someone else. (Darcy had been experiencing that one a lot more than she wanted lately.)

Operation make Bruce Banner jealous and regretful was in full effect. Now she just needed a plan to figure out what exactly she had to do.  
-

Getting ready for her day, Darcy busily arranged her piles and piles of folders on her desk. When a knock sounded on her door, she didn't bother to even look up from the mammoth stack in front of her. “Yes?” she queried.

“I think we may have gotten off on the wrong foot, Darcy.” The female voice said firmly.

“Oh god,” Darcy muttered below her breath. She threw on a winning smile and lifted her head up to greet Betty Ross.

“I understand you might feel I’m a bit of an upstart, coming to work with SHIELD after not having had any contact with Bruce for a while.”

‘Like when you abandoned him because you couldn't love all of him and told him that part of him was a monster? Is that the lack of contact you’re discussing?’ Darcy thought bitterly to herself.

“Oh, no, Betty. Your arrival was unexpected but entirely welcome, of course.” Darcy had always prided on herself on her rather skillful ability to lie directly to someone’s face.

“Great! Now that I’m working for SHIELD and Bruce and I have gotten back together, I think everything will be going rather smoothly around here. It’s just, as a fellow women in a similar position, I don’t want you to feel threatened by my arrival.”

Darcy gaped at her briefly before recovering. “If you’re making Bruce happy, then I’m sure everyone at SHIELD will be happy as well.”

Betty beamed, radiance lighting up her face. “He said he’d been alone for so long, you know, I’m glad he and I are patching things up.”

The pencil Darcy held in her hands snapped in half.

-  
Darcy asked Steve to teach her how to fight. It was part boredom—post her break up, her free time had increased since she wasn't spending as many non-work hours as she could with Bruce. Steve was happy to help, telling her how important it was for her to be able to defend herself now that she worked with SHIELD.

The taser thing had worked on Thor but her fancy new security clearance made her concede the taser wouldn't always work.

She knew Steve went easy on her in the training room, given that as Captain America he was damn near untouchable. He was extremely patient though and Darcy would be a liar if she said she didn't enjoy looking at him in all that spandex, sweaty, glory.

Darcy gulped water from her water bottle, headed back to her room to take a shower after getting her ass kicked by Steve. But! She’d managed to hold her own longer and even got a few shots in on Steve, not that they did him any damage.

Her sweat had sweat, she decided. All she wanted was an ice cold shower and her pajamas and a season of Pretty Little Liars. The TV probably cost more than her entire college education.

Reaching her bedroom, she jammed her key into the lock and twisted it open. She’d demanded a lock on her door. Living in a house with a practically sentient AI was weird enough, not having a lock would be insane. Realistically, a little dinky lock wouldn't do much if one of the house members wanted to get into her suite—but it made her feel better anyway.

Darcy cursed as the lock stuck. “Stupid thing,” she muttered. The sound of a door creaking made her head shoot up. Living here made it important to be self-aware. Constant vigilance or something. She’d ignored that part of her security briefing.

Bruce. Of course it was Bruce. The universe was enjoying this. Give a fresh out of college student a plush job with benefits and the potential to see some truly bad-ass shit, get a boyfriend... then get dumped by said boyfriend for no real explanation.

Fuck. Still in those gym clothes. She glanced back in his direction and something in his face looked familiar. Was he—did he actually have the audacity to check her out?

“You lost those rights in the break up, buddy. No ogling around.”

Expecting a snarky remark, she mentally braced herself. Was she really that smart to engage with someone who had a PhD in a field she could barely pronounce, let alone understand? Given the shitty way he’d been acting towards her, she waited for whatever annoying and insensitive remark he would whip out.

To her surprise, he merely flushed and mumbled something as he rushed down to the opposite end of the hallway. Darcy Lewis, one. Bruce was still leading the scoreboard but something about what had just happened—well. Darcy could work with all of that.

Knowing she could get under his skin still felt delicious. The locked door suddenly opened and Darcy smiled to herself. Maybe this confrontation thing was going to work out after all. It seemed like a challenge and Darcy loved challenges. (Even if said challenge happened to turn into an extremely strong green guy with control issues.)

Step one: never reveal weakness to an enemy. Darcy was done breaking that rule. If Bruce Banner could have control of steel, so could she. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned by her boyfriend for an ex who totally had some issues.

**Author's Note:**

> This came out of my brain before I could stop it. I'm using canon more as a guideline. The awesome Ehyde beta-read this for me.


End file.
